Our heroine rambles...

I am rambling today, forgive this aberration of a post.

Agony.
Unbearable agony.
To compare anguish of the soul to the lost of a body part or a physical impediment… is to compare a light spring shower to a raging electric storm.

I like to liken the universe to a Universal set. In my mind, to calm myself when I feel pain, I draw a Venn diagram with the colors of sharpie highlighters and a deep, dark blue. My universe is a drab, ugly, light green. Don’t worry, it is covered up by oodles and oodles of little orange and blue and purple filled circles representing the number of times our collective soul has split up.
I have a fun image for that too – amoebic fission. A tiny, squishy mass of – lime green, yet again! – goo that writhes and throbs and stretches and skews till it just has to split apart.
This splitting is not without pain, of course. This world itself is so full of pain because each time you say you don’t believe in fairies one dies somewhere creating a black hole that sucks away a little circle or part of one.
I digress. The little circles in my Venn diagram cluster into small sets that intersect with other sets. Each cluster is a family. Related physically or emotionally or not at all, they intersect the most with each other. When one of the little circles gets sucked up into the meanie black hole, the others feel pain. The amount of pain felt is directly related to how great the intersection is.
Once in a while comes an overwhelmingly large circle - it's in the color of deep sexy blue that i was talking about before - that about blots out the entire diagram. It covers all the little circles, thus intersecting with them, and it covers the rest of the space to boot.
It empowers the little circles, allowing them to get back at the ghostly black holes that would, without this power, devour the little pac-man circles. I won’t go into the fruitcake cherries and bananas of life right now.
The big circle doesn’t always visit. Sometimes it has to be enough to just think of the big circle and try and feel that power even when its not there. And sometimes the black hole just gets you.

There is more to say about Venn diagrams and death and love and pain. But I shall end this post with a rather weak explanation for my ramblings. I have procrastinated and put off writing about our heroine’s tragedy. Soon after seeing her true love for the first time, she loses another true love – the great soul who introduced her to the one that would take care of her for the rest of her life.
Her mother.
I cannot face the pain that she felt unless I turn to flippancy and frivolous metaphor. This of course, was not the only pain she felt through her life. It was not the only time in her life that she would have to cling, steadfast to the circle that wasn’t there to shoo away the not-so-innocent bystanders who hindered with vicarious pleasure rather than bowing out when they could not help. She survived, our crazy bard. She survived.